We all do it… we make idle threats in the grocery store to get the kids out of the sweets aisles and through checkout. It would be great if you could get your kids to listen to you. But do you often find yourself falling into the trap of threatening without real consequence?
Do you struggle to get your kids to listen to you? If so, this article is for you.
My husband and I often felt that we were flying by the seat of our pants with our two kids – born seventeen months apart and both with the most wonderful, strong personalities you can imagine. So we have always asked for advice as much as possible. In their younger years, we attended some excellent parenting workshops at our eldest son’s school.
A key takeaway from our school’s parenting course was the following: “Punishment is the result of an absence of discipline”. So, if punishment is the “”timeout” or “naughty chair”, then what is discipline?
Discipline is the art of following through.
Trying to complete a shop with personality filled two- and three-year-old boys is no easy feat. Sometimes you will do just about anything to get what you need to get done, done. Preferably without sequential melt-downs. But, often, we choose the easiest route in the moment and sacrifice the longer term benefits of children who respect what their parents say and know where they stand.
I have often made idle threats. Unintentional, well-meaning, idle threats… “Put that back or we are leaving the shop now”, “Sit nicely in the trolley or you won’t get that sweet I promised you”.
But one day, I tried the follow-through approach…
We were on the way to the park: my three-year-old on his trike and my two-year-old on his push bike, as excited as could be for the slides and swings that lay ahead. Unfortunately, my eldest started heading the wrong way – pushing the boundaries – down a dangerous hill with traffic at the bottom. I asked him to turn around. Nothing. I then told him that if he didn’t turn around we were going home – it was too dangerous.
Unfortunately, he didn’t listen. I had to physically turn him around and push him back down the road we had come up, while carrying my two-year-old and his black push bike back home kicking and screaming (my son, not the bike!) in my arms. Our neighbours and their visitors gawked at the scene we made. I kept cool. Unmoved by the cacophony of sound that my boys can produce. My eldest pleaded and begged, promising me he would listen. But it was too late. I had made a commitment and I was following through, come what may.
Well, once the hullabaloo had calmed down, do you know that I had the most relaxed and compliant afternoon from those boys? They had a lovely play together, came and sat down for dinner and ate it all up. Later, they were tucked up in their beds and I had a moment to write this before having dinner with my husband. What a difference!